Ghosts of boyfriends past. And words of wisdom from the one and only Man in Black.

This summer, on one of my late nights up watching Frasier, I came upon the episode about Frasier/Nile’s girlfriends of past. All of Frasier’s girlfriends came together to teach him a lesson in one weird nightmare.

In the world of constant dating- hookups, couples, breakups, and seemingly serial dating, one stops to wonder if it’s all worth it. Because most likely you won’t end up with the man from Belfast who you met on a booze cruise, or the tall mysterious man who bought you a drink, forget about your high school boyfriend, your childhood friend, and especially forget about your first “older man.”

Or should you?

One can be cynical and ask why date and be a robot in the process.

 It’s like asking why eat a piece of cake when you are trying to lose weight and know it definitely won’t help. Why buy inexpensive wine when it will most likely taste bad? Why buy a lottery ticket when you know you’re not going to win?

But you could win

You could find an inexpensive hidden wine treasure

You may feel a little better from that cake…even if you won’t the next morning.

Okay, perhaps that last one shouldn’t happen often, but you get the point.

My last breakup, if you want to call it that (more like a smashup?), taught me that some people come into your life, and can’t stay. They come into your life for a reason, change you (usually for the better, though sometimes it takes time to see it). Sometimes, it’s a matter of character building.

“So, I learn from my mistakes. It's a very painful way to learn, but without pain, the old saying is, there's no gain. I found that to be true in my life. You miss a lot of opportunities by making mistakes, but that's part of it: knowing that you're not shut out forever, and that there's a goal you still can reach.” Johnny Cash

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” Johnny Cash

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not preaching fatalistic ideals. Nor am I saying that everything happens for a reason. But sometimes it’s nice to believe it.

So in that episode of Frasier, Frasier’s exes, all a variety of people ended up bringing him closer to who he is, what he wants, and farther along, period.

So easier said than done? Maybe by realizing this, (not just saying it, like I’ve been saying about J for weeks), I’m opening myself up again. Sure, I’m a ‘cracked plate’, and I know it. But if I can see that crack for what it really is- the affect of someone else on me, a flaw or detail that makes me different. I’m a plate with