YOU are a tourist

I have lived here, in Switzerland for 12 weeks now. That's 3 months. And it had definitely become my new home. We have a full kitchen, a sofa, a living room. We even have a bathtub (that is big and deep and has nearly replaced all my showers). We have plants. We have maps on our walls. We even have a swiffer (thanks Mom!). We don't have a TV but we have online movies/Tv (shh). We don't have a mail box but we have a door bell. We don't have a house, but we have a home. 

But when I got here, it was like vacation. I made a list- Things to do here before I go home for Christmas. 

But 3 months have passed, and a lot of the list is not checked off. A new list, actually, has been created. Things to do when I am home at Christmas. It's as if I will be a tourist in my own home. Or my old home. 

I understand that things won't be the same when I return. I always knew that. And that was one of my biggest fears when leaving- that I'd never be able to really return. I'd never be able to come home, to truly come home. 

But now that I straddle two homes, two lives, like a child of lovingly divorced parents with two sets of everything, I hold two identities. I am Bruce Wayne and Batman-- except my Bat cave is only a secret to half of my life. It's okay that I won't be totally home back in the states. It's okay because I am established here. I am no longer some sort of searching, wandering, gypsied soul. I have a home base for in between weekend excursions, week long adventures and studying. When I visit home, I don't want to step on my families toes. They two have moved on. I have to be aware, that like I have, they have moved on. Though neither of us has forgotten the old, we just have created new. I feel I can be aware and respect this because I can visit them. It isn't my home that they have replaced. But really, I can't wait to be a tourist in my old home-- I have a list as if it were some strange new place. I have food I want to eat, things I want to see, people I want to visit, restaurants to eat at... Things to bring home, things to collect. 

I am really luck. I have two homes. 

It's strange, we have clutter in our living room.

That's when you know you're really home. 

<3